Memories of a Brother

I learned very early the importance and value of my family. I was lucky because my older brother wasn't like most other older brothers. He didn't really pick on me. I loved being outside and getting dirty and playing with the boys. I played football and baseball with them and felt like one of the big kids. Wesley is only two years older than me, but I thought he was the coolest person on the planet. I wanted to do everything that he did. I played softball because he played baseball; I even ended up debating because he was a debater in high school and I wanted to be just like him.
Some of my fondest memories involve Wesley. I remember when I was really young, my dad used to read to us before we went to bed. The boys shared a room, so Dad read to us there. I remember laying on his chest next to the floor vent while Wesley and Jordan laid in bed. I always fell asleep there and my dad would carry me to bed and tuck me in. Sometimes, Wesley would read to me. I remember when he went to school and I had to stay home, I always got so excited when he came back. The bus stopped at the end of our block, and as soon as I heard it I would run down to the bus stop and walk Wesley down the block to our house. I always wanted to hear about all the exciting things he did while he was at school. His teacher was Mrs. Kellenburger, but for some reason I thought her name was Hamburger. Sometimes I just called her "Mrs. Ham." I remember being pulled around in the wagon all around our neighborhood. I remember slipping notes under my brothers' door that said "You're a poophead!" and thinking it was the best, most clever insult anyone has ever come up with. Their retort was always equally as clever. I remember playing with Legos and playing Nintendo. The walls in our house were pretty thin, so you could talk to someone on the other side. Before bed, Wesley and I would talk to each other and sometimes knock on the walls to different patterns the other was supposed to repeat. We both had holes in our walls where the doorknob hit and went right through. Matching holes. So we would throw things into the other room or be obnoxious and yell while the other person was busy.








I don't know what happened.

I remember very vividly the morning I realized that something had happened and Wesley and I weren't close anymore. I was watching Barney, actually. Which is lame, I realize ... but the "I love you," song came on and I got all sappy. It made me sad to think that my brother didn't think I was cool anymore. He didn't talk to me anymore. He didn't want me hanging around when he friends were over (granted, I was obnoxious, but he never used to care). He wouldn't give me rides to school when we were in high school. I had to ride the bus. I still thought the world of him, but that's a very difficult thing to articulate to someone, especially when you feel like they don't want you around.
I love my brother so much. I think he's brilliant, hilarious, and has a lot to offer. We still don't have the relationship that I wish we did. I have friends who are really close to their siblings and it always makes me very jealous because I never had that relationship with Wesley.








Wesley signed with the Navy.
I was upset.
I'm happy that he's getting his life back on track because he's too smart to stay where he is. But I always wanted a relationship with him and now I feel like I'll never have one. That's why I'm upset. I wish him luck and hope that he finds himself.
But I will miss him. I have for years.

I finished High Fidelity and it was wonderful. Like Invisible Monsters, it was a life changing book. I really, really need to read more.

I have a lot to write about and I'll write a real blog soon, but for now, the rundown:
I work at Rangeline Pizza Hut as a delivery driver and Johnny Carino's as a server. I love both. Working two jobs has been especially difficult this week--I worked 13 hours straight yesterday between the two and I work all day again today. I really wouldn't trade it for anything, though. It's so good to have money again, but it's also good to have two jobs I enjoy. I guess I'm lucky that Olive Garden didn't want me back. I'm making about as much money as I did there, and I'm much happier.
This summer has been so good. Exactly what I needed after Jefferson City.

A final note:
I will dance to the song "I'll Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie at my wedding.









If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the "NO"s on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When you soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

I need a beer and a book.
Luckily, I have both.


I should be done with High Fidelity soon. It's wonderful.

Wednesday nights with Larissa just got way more awesome.







I love this summer right now.
I'm pretty sure moving into this apartment is one of the better decisions I've made.



...That, and listening to Jeff every time he suggests music for me.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I opened a fortune cookie today. It read, "You are a very happy man."







[i guess that means a sex change in my future...]