Reflections of a Debater

I recently had an interesting conversation with Steve from Pacific in which he told me that he thought debaters should actually adapt to IE judges.
Now, this, of course, threw me through a loop. I mean, after all, it is the debaters' activity. Jargon exists within the activity for a reason. Debaters should be able to run the arguments that they think will win them the round ... and, in a perfect world, winning the round means winning the ballot, as well. Hell, I wrote about why speed is good for debate! Of course I loathed adaptation.
I was never the type of debater who adapted very well to the judge. It's not that I was bad at explaining things to judges who were unfamiliar with debate; it's that I didn't feel it was my responsibility and that they were the ones bastardizing my activity.
NFA this year was a perfect embodiment of this sentiment for almost the entire debate community. During round six, which was many debaters' break round (every single member of my team included because all of them were 3-2 going into round six), five seemingly legitimate judges were on stand-by, without ballot ... while many IE/hired judges had ballots. IN BREAK ROUNDS. There was a huge upset in the community surrounding many of the decisions made in out-rounds.

I guess the reason I'm writing this is that I've never really thought about how I feel about adapting to the judge. On the one hand, I understand that part of being a good debater is not just being able to run the positions that you know you can win, but being able to persuade someone that you should, in fact, win. If debate was about running your favorite positions all the time, it would be reduced down to generic disadvantages, topicality, counterplans or critiques every round and there would be little in-depth case debate. On the other hand, though, debate is not suited to the lay man and debaters should be able to have control over their own activity.

Perhaps the most interesting spin on the argument that one should adapt to the judge came from people from Pacific. Their coach was talking about how the judge is never wrong. It is their ballot and if you did not do everything you could to capture that ballot, then you did not do your job as a debater. He was very straight-forward about it, and the ironic thing is that people from Pacific are generally thought of as faster debaters. The other thing is that Steve said that debaters disrespecting IE judges is indicative of a greater amount of disrespect that debaters have for IEs, in general. He said that neither event is more important than the other and we should, as a result, have mutual respect for one another and one another's events. I liked thinking of it this way.

I don't know if I've reached a conclusion, but I intend to reach a conclusion on this very subject one day. Today is not that day, but I do anticipate many more debate blogs to come.

A list of things I dislike

peanut butter, seafood, people trying to get me to eat sushi even though I don't like seafood, boogers, split ends, Yaz commercials, being poked in the belly button, creases in my eyeshadow, Spanish homework, finding a parking space at Southern, College Republicans meetings, having no plans for my future, arrogance, Bump-Its, the way my clothes smell after I work at Carino's, managers who play favorites, being cold, the fact that my phone is always dead, dry winter skin, people who over-accessorize, Nickelback ... I really hate Nickelback, tequila, people who have opinions on subjects they know nothing about, working on Tuesdays, talking on the phone, driving long distances, most shows on Bravo, zits, crowded bars, bad tippers, airplanes, urinary tract infections







fin.

End of the Semester

Some pictures.





















I'm done with school in May, and senioritis is kicking in like none other.

I've also decided that I'm taking a year off from my life as a student to travel and learn about whitneyhart for a while. I think it's one of the better decisions I've made and those whose wisdom I value seem to support my decision. I don't really know where life will take me, but I hope it takes me to exotic locations and learning experiences.







Not a whole lot going on. Just a lot of procrastination on homework and figuring out how to win at college right now.
Lots of coffee, late nights, and setting up a pretend Christmas tree with the roommate.

















Also realized there are a lot of quality people in my life. I am blessed.

Blog.

I'm watching Stephen Colbert play tennis instead of doing homework.

Family

I've always been amazed at the quality of my family. I have a father who is a strong male role-model and has shown me forgiveness, gentleness, and more kindness than I deserve sometimes. I have a mother who has taught me how to love myself and others, compassion, patience, and how to listen to my heart. The combination of their strength and encouragement has made me a better human being. I could never thank either of them enough for loving me so unconditionally and always being there when, literally, no one else was. They've seen me at my best and encouraged me to pursue what I was good at. They've seen me at my worst and helped me put the pieces of my broken life back together.

Larissa and I went to Waffle House tonight to share good conversation over coffee and greasy food, and I started talking about my parents and how grateful I am for their support. Sometimes I take them for granted, but that's only because they've been so present in my life. I would not trade them for anything, and I guess vocalizing that to someone else really made me realize just how important they are to me and how much I value them. Not just as parents, but as human beings. They are wonderful people in addition to being wonderful parents. Seeing them play with Kloee makes me smile because I know someday they will be the best grandparents in the world.

Barack Obama.

I am really sick of this country sometimes.


I am sick to death of seeing "NObama" bumper stickers.
And I'm sick of outrageous claims that Obama's birth certificate isn't real.
And I'm sick of claims that he isn't a citizen of the United States.
He's not a Muslim. He's not a socialist. Go to China for a day and tell me Obama is a socialist, alright?


Dear idiots with these bumper stickers:
BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT. SUCK IT UP AND FIND INTELLIGENT REASONS TO DISLIKE HIM.
You can disagree with his policy choices. You can disagree with his approach to appointing members of his Cabinet. Hell, you can make fun of his above-average sized ears (as long as you don't make racist comparisons to him being a monkey). But stop plastering your vehicles with stupid bumper stickers.

Things like this are intended to get a rise out of people. They're not intended to make an intelligent political statement. They're not even clever. They're silly. And the people who put them on their cars are silly, also.
These bumper stickers are ad hominem. They distract people from intelligent discussions and encourage an "us against them" attitude. We should be in this together. You don't have to agree with everything that a President does, or any other elected or appointed public officials, for that matter. But we're Americans. We should be working together and debating to find solutions to problems instead of insulting each other. Insulting members of the other party does not encourage constructive decision-making but instead divides us.
I love the First Amendment and I support a person's right to put a bumper sticker I find offensive on their car. But I believe the First Amendment should be used to stir constructive conversations and not to be unnecessarily combative.

It's so weird to me that some Americans are SO RESISTANT to this particular President. I didn't like the "I'm really sick of this Son-of-a-Bush" bumper stickers, either, but those were nowhere near as common as "NObama." I mean, he swept the popular vote, but there is a camp that really hates him for seemingly no reason and it concerns me.
You know, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but most Republicans didn't really even LIKE John McCain. He wasn't all that conservative during the primaries, but Republicans jumped on the McCain bandwagon once they saw that their alternative was Obama.




And while we're at it ... I saw a holographic poster of Obama right next to one of Wolverine from X-Men at Wal-Mart the other day. So those who have the posters, the commemorative plate, and the bobble-head ... you're idiots, too. He's not a celebrity. He's a President. Stop idolizing him. He's not Jesus. He hasn't even been all that great yet. You look just as silly as "NObama."

If you wanted a song written about you, all you had to do was ask.

I'm throwing away pictures that I never should have taken in the first place
And it's cold in my apartment as I'm changing all the colors
From the brightest reds to grays
Well it's 3 o'clock on Monday morning
I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face
I've been getting calls in these hotel rooms
Long enough to know that it was him that took my place




It's officially been a year since the break-up. Anyone who knows me at all knows exactly what I'm talking about. The fact that this date, August 31st, is significant to me is simultaneously empowering and pathetic. Pathetic perhaps that I dwell on a such a date and that it took such an event for me to grow as a person, but as far as I'm concerned, any catalyst is just as legitimate as the next.

I'm not sure where I would be if things hadn't fallen into place as they had the past year. I cannot help but wonder how things could have potentially been different or where I would be if we were still together. But in any case, I feel that I have been somewhat empowered. I've learned much about myself and really started to understand what it means to grow as a result of struggle. In all honesty, it's difficult to face the fact that my future is not as sure as it was when I was with him. For example, I'd probably be moving to Kansas City to go to law school and getting married soon if things had unfolded differently. That level of stability is certainly missed. I'm only being honest here. It's my blog ... I do what I want! I don't think what I'm saying here is indicative of any sort of deep-rooted unresolved feelings, but instead a lot of self-reflection and evaluation.



And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts




It's a little sad to admit, but I feel like he really took a part of me with him. I was a heinous bitch a year ago (a selfish, insecure, unstable heinous bitch ... if we're going to call names and get really specific here), it's true and I definitely feel I have left a lot of that behind, a lot of my motivation has dwindled. I used to be so passionate about things and now it seems that I am very apathetic. I don't mean to be, but for so long I was told not to feel because my feelings were exclusively misery, malice, and pain. I couldn't listen to my heart--my heart was telling me to lock myself in my room and cry for days on end. I did that sometimes, but life doesn't stop just because you feel like your heart has. I had to train my mind to control my actions. You lose emotion that way, including happiness. And I started to associate happiness with sadness, because you cannot experience one without the other ... as a consequence, I just stopped feeling. I cried every day for months. Literally, months. I was sick of the headaches and stuffy noses.

It wasn't a phase. It wasn't something to get over. It wasn't something time would just take care of for me. It was shitty and there is no other way to describe what happened. I screwed up really bad and he left. But I really did love him and he was right: I didn't appreciate him until it was too late. I learned the hard way that you can't change someone's heart and sometimes there is no explanation for the way people treat you. I learned that trust is valuable and something to be earned. I learned that you can choose to mentally strengthen yourself to guard against painful experiences if you only have the desire. I learned that sometimes you will be alone, sitting in your room listening to Jimmy Eat World with nothing but painful memories and "I'm sorry"s that were never vocalized to the person you felt needed to hear them. I learned to forgive myself for my mistakes, which is the hardest thing for me (especially because I am such a perfectionist).




And I'm burning all the letters
Hoping that I might forget her and the bad taste
That she left when she was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as she walked
Out of this place




I wouldn't change it.
It took me so long to get to this point, but I'm here.



And you dropped the note and we changed key
You changed yourself and I changed me
I really didn't see us singing through this
Then you screamed the bridge and I cried the verse
And our chorus came out unrehearsed
And you smiled the whole way through it
I guess maybe that's what's worse




I am on a more admirable quest to discover myself and learn how to love others more than myself. Even if I fall short sometimes, I am learning and I would never have looked so closely at myself if this hadn't happened.




And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home





I realized that I made mistakes, too. I stopped running from them and made a pact with my soul to face them, dress the wounds and let them heal slowly. I am taking life slowly, with less desire for control over every detail, and have finally kept my own needs and desires in mind. Sure, it still hurts sometimes, and I've got plenty of work to do in the "me" department, but I'll probably always be under construction.








Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would. . .
I knew it would. . .